We just didn’t have enough time together.
The patient’s spouse said this, weeping, to a nurse.
They had been married over sixty-five years.
Those words have swirled around in my head since my colleague relayed them to me. Not enough time. Sixty-five years living life together in all its seasons, yet it wasn’t enough time. This family member’s words speak to the incredible depth of their lifetime love and marriage relationship — something we all aspire to — yet I think they have even more to teach us about our time here on this earth.
As I mull those words over, I wonder if they were spoken with any type of regret — but somehow I don’t think they were — they were spoken with the appropriate degree of mourning and devastation that comes from losing your life’s partner, a depth of loss I cannot begin to comprehend.
Those words came from a shattered heart which knew to be grateful for the time, but yet wanted more of it.
They came from a place of knowing what treasure had just been lost.
And as seeing death so closely usually does — it asked me questions —
About my time.
My days, hours, minutes, seconds.
I started to ponder — I would love to end my life with the thought that I want more time because instead of seeing that as a regret, I see that person’s words as a representation of a full life lived with so much love and life and fullness to it that they desired more of it.
I highly doubt their lives were picture perfect (because show me someone’s who is?), yet they longed for more life together.
That resonated with me –
In the challenges
In the mundane
In the joy
In the sorrow
In the smiles
In all these states — there is life. And each of these timeless emotions represent more than your current mood, they offer opportunities to create a life well lived.
When we reach the end of our lives — I hope we can say — I have no regrets, but oh, how I would love to have a few more days of this beautiful mess called life.